Currently Listening To: Ruby Don't Take Your Love to Town by The Killers
I'm sure, at some point, you'll find yourself on the answering end of this question:
"If you had a superpower, what would it be?"
Some people say they want to fly. And flying would be fabulous, I agree. My best friend once told me she wanted to be invisible so she could follow people around and trip them (this is why we are friends). I knew a guy who wished he could read people's minds (this does not sound fun to me). And that is all well and good. But. If I could choose a superpower, it would be this:
I would have the ability to point and make someone look like a version of Kenny Rogers.
Allow me to elaborate: for awhile I went to grad school in Dallas. Dallas is a fun city. It has a sparkly skyline that takes my breath away and it has a Chipotle (several Chipotles, in fact). Hear me out you sweet Texans: you are fabulous. You are kind, loud, and fun and you have Diet Dr. Pepper on tap at restaurants (win!). I like you, just not your traffic. Dallas has the most horrific traffic in which I have ever been stuck*. Not only does Dallas have bad traffic, but the badness level makes even good drivers go bad. Horns honk in a grating urban symphony while you nudge, bump, and shove your way into the lane you need to be in. People are not afraid to hit your car, swerve in front of you, or cut you off. Dallas traffic is like something between a loud concert (where people wave middle fingers instead of lighters) and a sick fair ride. No fun. So one day, while I was stuck in Dallas traffic, I came up with a way to cope.
As I don't flip people off, and I try not to say words that sound completely unconvincing when they come out of my mouth anyway, I devised a "super power" for myself. I decided, if I had the ability, I would simply point to the person who cut me off and POOF. The Gambler. And even though I don’t actually have this power, sometimes just glaring, and pointing and pretending I do ...well, it helps me relax. Enjoy the ride. Laugh to myself.
The Offender would not become an exact replica of Kenny, of course. Just a version of Kenny. They would get the white hair, the beard, the stache, the slight warble in their voice when they sang along with the radio. Consider it with me for a moment. It would be pretty hilarious, no? I don't want anyone hurt. I don't want the effects of my power to be too long lasting (I am using my power for good, after all). It would wear off in 24 hours. And I don't have a thing for Kenny Rogers**. He just seemed to fit my scheme.
I'm mentioning this to you because the traffic in my new city, my adorable, quirky little city, is ... not so good either. It's not like Dallas but there is a load of construction at the moment, so everyone is grouchy. I've wanted to use the Kenny finger a lot lately. (And the Kenny finger is not the flipper. So if you want to play along, you point with your index finger, or you are disqualified.)
Your turn: if you had a superpower, what would it be?
* I always change my mind when I drive through Atlanta. And then I go to Dallas and think, no. Dallas wins. And then I go to Atlanta and think, no ...
** But he does have some fun songs. And there are some fab remakes of his songs floating around now. If you're in the mood to surf, go to You Tube (or Pandora) and listen to "Ruby Don't Take Your Love to Town" redone by The Killers. So so so good. That's the song I wanted Adam Lambert to sing on AI's country night. And then listen to Feist sing "Islands in the Stream." Brilliant.